The phrase “burnout” gets thrown around a lot these days. It’s become so normalized that many don’t even try to escape feeling its effects. If you identify at all as an ambitious person who leads a team of people, you might even be avoiding the things that will help you get back to feeling alive and energized.

What’s interesting is that most ambitious female leaders I know don’t even know they’re burned out until it’s too late. Their ability to manage stress, stay optimistic, and multi-task cons them into thinking they’re “fine” for much longer than they might be. If that sounds like you, that’s because you’re that type of high performer. You can excel when you're running at 60 percent capacity, and everyone around you remains impressed to the point that you don't even realize you're not okay. Then, it all comes crashing down. Here’s how to achieve your best while prioritizing yourself and guarding against burnout.

1. Recognize your own burnout

Most people struggle to even acknowledge they’re burned out because they’ve deemed it a failure if they are, so the very first step to overcoming it is recognizing it. Below are some common signs of burnout before you know it’s happening:

• You're feeling overwhelmed

• You start to regret things you've said yes to, even teetering on resentment

• You've said to yourself "I'm the only one who can do this the right way"

• You're feeling emotional exhaustion

• You're feeling increased irritability

• You feel short, cynical, or detached

• You're slipping into coasting and asking yourself: "What's the least I can do here to get by?"

• You're starting to lack a lust for the things you used to feel thrilled doing

• You feel guilty because you "should" be loving doing what you only dreamed of years ago

Burnout doesn’t always show up like a mental/emotional breakdown. It can be a slow deterioration of the original fervor you had to go after crazy things.

I’m here to tell you that there is a way out. But it will require you to slow down and take some hard looks at the beliefs you’re carrying around that got you here in the first place. Paying attention to your central nervous system is key; how is your sleep, your hair, your skin, your appetite? Internal stress shows up in our bodies long before we want to mentally acknowledge it; burnout doesn't always show up like a mental or emotional breakdown. Our bodies are our one source of truth. Don't ignore your own red flags.

Most people try to solve burnout by taking a vacation. But have you ever gone on a vacation feeling like you never got a chance to really turn off? I can’t tell you how many vacations, massages, and days at the spa that did not reduce my exhaustion. Why? Because they didn't recalibrate my mental habits that got me there. Sometimes the very first step is acknowledging you might be close to burnout or already there. Check in with yourself regularly; stepping back to reflect often will help you stay on top of your stress levels.

2. Say no with a purpose

As an executive coach who works with high performing leaders and teams, I often see people make one big first mistake: They overcommit. There are common concerns that drive this behavior:

• “I want to be a team player”

• “I don’t want to look like I can’t do my job”

• “I’m sure I’ll be able to do it during [fill in the blank- any time you're supposed to be switching off or having a personal life]”

• “What if I delegate it and I’m not valuable anymore?”

• “What if I say no and I disappoint them?”

People have common internal beliefs about saying “no” that prevent them from staying in alignment with who they are.

PRACTICAL ACTION: Interested vs. Committed

Get out a piece of paper and create two columns, one titled “Interested” and one titled “Committed.” You may end up doing a lot of crossing things out and moving things around, and that’s OK. Most people carry around the mental burden of things they think they’re committed to but that belong in the “interested” category.

For example, at our firm I was singled out as someone who would be great to lead one of our new internal teams. I didn’t even hesitate to say yes. Two months later, I found myself having a panic attack in the grocery store parking lot because I had too much on my plate and wasn’t enjoying the new responsibilities. The panic was created by the belief that “I already said yes, I should be able to do this, what if I ask to be removed and everyone stops thinking of me as someone they single out as capable?” I decided to get clear on why I said yes in the first place, with the help of my coach. Yes, even a coach has a coach.

Often we have things on our plate that we guilt ourselves into keeping there. My invitation is to regularly check in check in with yourself, asking whether the things you are saying yes to are really things that you feel you should agree to. With that constant self-interrogation, it’s easier to get clearer on when and where you might feel obligation, rather than opportunity; when you should move priorities around.

For the longest time, I felt guilt that I ‘should’ be finishing the book that I wanted to write. But then I realized I am a person with lots of exciting ongoing projects. I found so much freedom in admitting to myself that writing my book can move to my Interested list —that it didn’t have to be a project for right now. I can move it to the Committed list when the time is right.

3. Celebrate your wins

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 on your ability to receive love. Most people would rate themselves higher in how often they give love to others versus receive or give love to themselves. The problem with this is that it stunts our ability to see the wins that are happening on a regular basis.

PRACTICAL ACTION: Acknowledgments and Affirmations

If you’re on a team or lead a team, try this: Explain to everyone that you’re going to set a timer for 10 minutes. For those 10 minutes, it’s an open floor for anyone to jump in and either 1) acknowledge someone else in the room or 2) acknowledge themselves for something that’s happened recently.

Now, most people will automatically choose the former rather than the latter. But after letting everyone warm up, we like to challenge people for any part of that time (for example, the last 5 minutes) to ONLY acknowledge themselves. This is the script we encourage people to use:

Encouraging people to use the phrase “I receive it” is a crucial part of this practice. As humans, we often carry habits of wanting to deflect, feel guilty or make a joke to seem less arrogant when we receive a compliment. To “receive” is to “to seize, to take on, to take hold of” something. When people compliment you, I want you to practice letting it truly fill you up and create a spiritual, psychological, or emotional shift because of it.

Your brain is constantly looking for evidence to prove itself right for whatever it believes. If all you’re seeing is what’s not working, your brain will continue to confirm that. If you decide to start looking for the wins, your brain will find those as well. Learning to see the wins creates fire to continue exploring what you’re capable of; it enables you to set increasingly ambitious goals—this is when you can shift from white-knuckling your results to mastering them.

I’ll leave you with this last thought:

So many of us avoid doing these things because we’d rather be addicted to the mess or the busyness; it can feel easier to stay within the status quo than to create the headspace for yourself to reflect, to change, and to grow. My encouragement to you today would be to begin practicing all these things.

What if simply recognizing and acknowledging when you might be burned out is the door to overcoming it? What if saying “no” is the door to getting more done, and becoming more productive? What if learning to celebrate your wins was the door to truly thriving?