WHY I TRAIN: IT HELPED ME RECLAIM MY JOY
… AND MYSELF
Katharine Holland
As told to Grace Cook
5 Minute Read
Sangita Patel found Crossfit during post-natal depression. From seeking solace to building strength, weight training helped her rediscover her inner fire.
Training today is like brushing my teeth. It’s something I have to do. I’ve been lifting weights consistently for 16 years, since having my second child, but in the last 12 years in particular, it has really transformed my world. It has become therapy, and it helps me feel like myself. It helps me show up.
The origins of my journey are profound. After I had my first baby, I experienced some post-natal depression, and I had a bit of a breakdown. With my second child, I knew I didn’t want to go into that space. I had these internal instincts that were coming up, and I was like, You know what? I just need to leave the house for a bit. My husband took care of the baby, and I went to McDonalds, and got myself some fries and a milkshake, and sat in the car in a parking lot, just having a moment. I saw a sign that said CrossFit. It called to me.
I had been in a bad place the first time around. It was very difficult for me. I remember one day, I was with my child on my own, and we were doing feed training; they’re supposed to eat and sleep at a certain time. I remember this one day, she woke up, and was crying, and I was trying to put her back to bed. My husband found me sitting in the closet in the dark, trying to rock her to sleep; I was trying to stick to the schedule. I realized I was falling apart because I was putting too many rules on myself. New mothers don’t know how to step into that space mentally. No one prepares you for that feeling of losing yourself. Everything changes, including your relationship with your husband, your priorities, and your career. It can be hard to adjust.
The second time around, I knew I had to find a mechanism. So I walked into that CrossFit gym, and the person who worked there at the time said to me, ‘You need something.’ She knew. She showed me the place, and she said, just pick up this bar. Then she said, ‘Okay, come back tomorrow.’ That’s how it all started for me. Knowing and giving myself the permission to dedicate an hour to myself to get physically strong was really a mental thing for me. For that one hour, nothing else mattered. It was just me trying to get that bar up.
“Building strength keeps me going. I try things in the gym, and as a knock-on effect of that, I try things in life.”
It felt less intimidating than a normal gym. There were actually a lot of women and new mothers in there; the week after I joined, another woman showed up, and I remember thinking to myself, ‘She was me last week.’ She joined the gym too, and we became really good friends. She’s a badass now. Knowing that my journey has happened to so many women is very powerful; working out and weightlifting really helps you be mentally okay with yourself on this new journey as a mother.
In the real world, we’re afraid to fail, but when you are weight training, you allow yourself to fail. Sometimes you can’t complete a rep, and that’s okay. That mentality of letting yourself go in that space can lead to so many successes in life. I am very ambitious, and building strength keeps me going. I try things in the gym, and as a knock-on effect of that, I try things in life. It fuels the rest of my life. I don’t give up.
I loved every minute of motherhood with my second child, because I had been able to create that space for myself to enjoy motherhood while also preserving myself. It’s hard for mothers to find that adjustment, because in the old days, you’d have a village. Whereas now, women are largely on their own. It’s a very different way of bringing up a child, and it’s very difficult to acknowledge.
For the past 12 years, I’ve been sharing fitness content on Instagram. I wanted to make women see that it was okay to make themselves a priority. I started a hashtag, #fitnesstuesday, showing me doing little things like skipping; I'm moving my body, basically. I got such a huge response from women. I remember this one particular woman who would DM me, and send me updates of the things she was doing—a walk, or lifting two pounds, and that she had worked out. This one particular person motivated me to continue doing it; knowing the impact really fuels me.
Women don’t understand the impact of making space for themselves until they actually do it. We are not taught to take care of ourselves as mothers. We are people. It’s okay to make ourselves a priority alongside our children. Strength training has given me the confidence to be myself. It took me a long time to work out in a bra without a T-shirt. I used to be embarrassed about showing off areas of my body or wearing certain clothes, but now, I think, ‘Fuck it.’ Life is so precious, and it’s so short.
Sangita Patel, photographed in her home gym by Katharine Holland for Danimás.
The last four years have been the hardest of my life. I lost my dream job because our show ended, and three months after, I was diagnosed with an invasive cancer that spread to my blood. Having to face the word death for the first time—the idea that something could happen to me—I didn’t know how to handle it. I had to have surgery, and then radiation. It was such a rollercoaster. Strength training across the years helped me access the mental and emotional resilience and physical strength I needed.
I wasn’t able to train during that time, so again, I felt a bit lost. But I rebuilt differently. I think you have to listen to your body. I knew I wasn’t as strong and I couldn’t do as much weightlifting as I could before my surgery, but I wanted to feel great within my body, so I incorporated a bit of Pilates. I’m not as aggressive as I used to be. Especially in my 40s, I think I know what my body is capable of, and I’m protecting my foundation now.
“No one prepares you for that feeling of losing yourself as a new mother.”
Weight training and Pilates together are a lethal weapon. It’s hard! I thought I was looking good before that, but combining those two types of movement makes your body pop. I curse through the whole thing. I now feel this incredible strength that I didn’t know I had within me. I sit up straight. I can sit in a crossed-leg position. I highly recommend doing Pilates with weight training. Cardio pisses me off. I hate it. But I love Pilates.
Training helped me rediscover my joy. I feel joy when I am doing it. I feel great afterwards. My kids are working out, and they understand the importance of taking care of their bodies. But I think the real joy came from helping others find their place, knowing they are allowed to be who they want to be. Being able to share my experience and impact other people gives me purpose. I think my personal brand has become ‘joy’. I share everything that I love, from fitness to cooking healthy meals. I do fun fitness challenges. If you find that thing that brings you joy, it amplifies. It brings happiness.
