What Failure Taught Me, By Dany Garcia

Life lessons and leadership wins — there’s value in losing. 

I’ve played a lot of roles in my life: founder, producer, pro bodybuilder, league owner, daughter, wife, mother, friend. But one of the most formative roles I’ve ever played is loser. I’m an expert at losing. In fact, I’ve created my very own secret losing playbook. Because I learned early on that I had to lose in order to win.

When I was 12, I opened up an issue of Muscle & Fitness and saw a photo of an incredible female bodybuilder. I took in her shape, her strength. She looked happy and powerful … and the image resonated deep in my soul. This was who I wanted to be. I was the polar opposite: scrawny, with short hair and big glasses, and no apparent athletic ability. This woman—this athlete—represented my vision of what winning looked like. But it took a while—and many losses—before I got there. 

Dany Garcia, as described: “scrawny, short hair, and big glasses”

Photo courtesy of Dany Garcia 

My journey of losing began at a swim meet at Horseshoe Lake. I wanted to stun the spectators with my skill and speed … but I was all legs and limbs, with little coordination and no endurance. I totally blew it. My dad said, “You don’t have to come in first. But please Dany, never come in last.”

I realized I had no choice but to learn how to do better. If I was going to keep losing, then at least I could use each opportunity to figure out what I could do better.

Instead of aiming to win a medal, my goal was to improve at every meet. I started to put together what I thought of as my “secret loss playbook.” I kept adding to it all through high school track and college crew. While I wasn’t always taking home trophies, I truly loved sports: the sweat, the incremental successes, The Huddle. I found that my playbook applied well to all of the challenges in my life

Dany Garcia (second from right) with her University of Miami crew teammates

Photo courtesy of Dany Garcia 

I started to see that the magic of every loss was that when I failed, I never landed back to absolute zero. If I could address the gaps and weaknesses, I was able to add on to the foundation I’d already started to build. This is why coachability, inquisitiveness, and openness are invaluable in training. The ebb and flow all add up to movement forward. Each loss moves you a step ahead. Your body gets stronger with every progression. You give up nothing; you grow and you move forward from that loss. 

At 45, I finally became the woman in the magazine, winning the Masters Over-35 title at the IFBB North American Championships.

Dany Garcia hits a pose at the 2015 IFBB Europa Atlantic City Pro

Photo by Hiram Garcia

When I turned 50, I decided to go for the win once more. I trained obsessively with my husband Dave Rienzi, lost 45 pounds, got below 5% body fat, and completely reshaped my physique.

Dany Garcia getting ready to step on-stage at the 2019 Rising Phoenix Wings of Strength qualifier

Photo courtesy of Dany Garcia 

I invited all of my friends, family, and business colleagues to watch me compete in the Rising Phoenix Wings of Strength women's pro national qualifier in Arizona—as well as the actor Henry Cavill, who was my client. Yes, I invited Superman to watch me compete. Clearly I was feeling very optimistic about my chances of taking the title again.

But the minute I saw the size of my competitors, I knew I was a goner. In five years the industry had gotten about seven to 10 pounds bigger in my category. I absolutely tanked, coming in 15th out of 35. I’m not sure I even deserved that high of a ranking; maybe the judges were just being kind because I brought Superman to the show.

It was a huge, public loss. My dad’s worst nightmare. But not mine. Because I knew that I would eventually get over the feeling of, “Oh, no, I lost!”, and make my way to: “Oh, hello old friend, nice to see you again. What do you have to teach me this time?” And I did.

When the dust settled, I realized that there had been an enormous amount of stress around me while I was training—business and personal conflicts, even a hurricane that forced me and Dave out of our home. I asked myself, “What do I need to do next time to set up an environment where I can win?” Remove stressors? Take extra time off work? Change my intake or output?

Actually, it was more simple and more powerful than that: I recognized that while I was training, I had not held myself in the highest regard. I hadn’t locked in that winning mentality. Reviewing my mental playbook, I remembered that I could fix that. Because I was the difference maker in this situation.

Dany Garcia smiling through her 2019 pro show placement, surrounded by her team

Photo courtesy of Dany Garcia 

This is key to the Athlete of Life mindset. It will change your life, and not just in training. Your secret loss playbook charts your path to future victory. And the practice of holding yourself and your desired outcomes in the highest regard will create an incredible life journey.

I took the Athlete of Life mindset into my strategy to purchase the XFL. I had every ally in place. I put off the most stressful conversations until the very end so I knew exactly where I was going, and what I wanted the outcome to be. Most of all, I held myself in such high regard. Because I believed deeply that I was going to make the difference.

I went into the XFL negotiations mentally trained and prepared to win that show. And I did. I bought the XFL (now the UFL), and made history as the first woman in the U.S. to own an equal or majority ownership stake in a professional sports league.

It was a historic moment, brought to you by one of my most spectacular losses.

Dany Garcia celebrating with players after the 2024 UFL Championship game in St. Louis

Photo by Erica Schroeder 

I’m sharing my losing expertise with you because I want to counter the playbook of leadership that is very much win-at-all-costs, driven by hustle culture, girlbosses, and scorched-earth billionaires who don’t seem to care who gets destroyed on their path to success. That’s one way to go. Ultimately, I think it’s destabilizing for professional longevity, team morale, the bottom line, and quality of life.

I also believe that it’s incredibly valuable to learn from someone who has lost. Victories tell you a lot of secrets. But losses are where victors make all the changes. I’ve met a lot of successful people, but none of them have lived my life. I simply didn’t have their advantages or agency. I’m telling you about losing the genetics card, the swim meet, and the bodybuilding competition because that was where the pain was real and the lessons were unforgettable.

Winning is not a straight shot; it’s a jagged line of losses and learnings that move you forward. These losses fill the chapters of your life with wisdom and richness that result in your own personalized, not-so-secret, winning playbook. 

In sports as in life, you will win and you will lose (you will likely lose way more often). So if you only feel successful when you win, you're going to be miserable most of the time. But if you become an Athlete of Life who finds the value in every loss, you will always be a winner.